"Roll a new love over"

-Adam Duritz, Counting Crows

Let's face it. After 2001, the aughts were pretty awful years for us, Mariner Magic faithful. Not a magical decade. There were 93 wins apiece in '02 and '03, but there were no playoffs and no energy -- we were still reeling from that spirit-killing, disheartening ALCS in '01. The triple-whammy of losing Randy, Griffey and A-Rod began to set in. The 116 wins had allowed us to forget the superstars for a little while. But then Lou left too. And Edgar retired in '04. I was there, I cried a little. The team felt empty. The last of the Mariner Mountains was gone, and we were left with... Bob Melvin? No. Not even Bo-Mel would be around to save us.

The second half of the dark decade was marred by the Bill Bavasi and Mike Hargrove parade of stupid. Their stubborn ineptitude brought into question the ownership's intentions and sanity. Bavasi, Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong became symbolic co-captains of the Good Ship Mariner, now rudderless, and crashing repeatedly onto the rocks at Alki with each tsunami wave of choices.

Rightfully, we called for their heads. Rich Aurilia and Scott Spiezio? Ramon Santiago? Horacio Ramirez? A dude named "Yorvit"? What the hell is a "Wiki Gonzalez"? Seriously. Later there would be Jose "DH" Vidro, and Carlos "Hamburglar" Silva. The list of characters is long.

And for every eyebrow-raising acquisition, another real Mariner wandered out Safeco's gates scratching his head. Magic favorite, Rafael Ninja Soriano went poof. Belltown bosom buddies Freddy Garcia and Carlos Guillen were forced to suffer through a tearful breakup -- they just couldn't do the distance thing. Jamie Moyer went away to win a World Series. Kaz-Man Sasaki? ...Well, we're still unclear on what happened there. But even Kazu's perpetual schoolboy grin could not endure this hope-shredding, soul-crushing era.

Don't get me wrong, I still loved the Mariners. I was no less a fan. But being a fan almost felt like a chore. Aside from getting my Felix fix every fifth, watching the team play became an exercise in excruciation. Even the good players got into the act. Worse than watching Richie Sexson's decline was witnessing Yuni's transformation from a sparkling Gold Glove into a little ball of goo rolling around on the infield dirt.

It was enough to make even the most loyal Mariner Magician drop his wand and cast a slew of crass four-letter curses at the TV.

I don't think I realized just how pessimistic and jaded I had become during that period of baseball until I went to Mariners Fanfest this past weekend, and noticed that not a single sniff of Bavasi's swirling sewer of decisions remained. No more Hamburglar. No more Yuni. No more maddening Morrow, or positionless Clement. Batista? Nowhere to be found. I could only smell Figgins' snazzy cologne. And hot dogs. And that was heartening.

That's where Duritz's lyrics come in. We've been invested in this team all along, but the time has come to really love the Mariners again. Without having to peer through squinty eyes, afraid to watch.

The past year has been like taking a bath -- loving the Mariners doesn't feel dirty anymore. Does that make sense? It's time to love them like we loved them when Junior was 26. Like we loved them when The Unit shouted down a victim, and his sweat-soaked curls clung proudly to his pelican-like neck. Back when Edgar made the Dome's outfield walls look like his own personal pinball machine. Our baseball innocence has been restored. So roll a new love over, Magic.

The cast of the next great Mariners team is beginning to take shape. They aren't all here yet, but soon enough. You know the headliners by their first names. Felix and Ichiro and Cliff. Franklin and Chone. Supporting roles are played by flamethrowers Aardsma, League, and Lowe, and a left fielder who can actually hit -- and who also manufactures a nifty line of boardgames. Jack Wilson is standing in for Little O. There's an Australian southpaw, and a pudgy yet friendly-looking Venezuelan at second third base. Heck, even Papa Griff is around to lend a hand and a homer or two. Or 50.

Some of the cast will surely shift and change, but most of the headliners are here to stay. Finally. This feels like the genesis of something pretty cool.

Walking around at Fanfest with a favorite album piping through my earbuds, I smiled just as I did when I took the pre-opening tour back in 1999. The energy was back at the Safe, and it was only January. This team feels fresh. It might not feel this way for long, but it's a good feeling, and I'm going to ride it.

Who's with me? Magic, I know you're out there. Time to grease the wheels. Let's get our Mariner train rollin'. I know we're a little rusty, but October isn't too far down the tracks.

Not sure if you've heard. The aughts are over. Amen.

[I think August and Everything After by Counting Crows is the most timeless album I own. Beginning to end, it never gets old. It would feel weird to say out loud, but with a gun to my head and forced to choose just one album, August... would probably be it. Dig it out if you have it.]

Hi there

We are trying to bring the Magic back. Don't hold your breath.

This entry, as well as Mike's Twitter alert below, are a little buffer to fill space, and build some needed momentum. Please click the link below to enjoy one of the many Magic-al moments of 2009 below:

Suck it, Rivera.



Was it really snowing? I don't remember that. If so, dang. That's even more awesome.

P.S. Did you know that you can download 1995 Game 5 for $1.99 in iTunes, and own it forever and ever? You totally can. I can't imagine I've ever spent a better two dollars.

The Magic is on Twitter

And tweeting a lot. Check us out. Posts will come. They will come.

The re-birth is coming.....

Who will bear witness?

One month Down

So let’s be honest here. Who among us expected the Mariners in the first month of the season to go 13-9. I will stand at the front fo that line. There was no way I thought that would have been possible. This has been a pleasant surprise and I hope that they can continue this streak.

Let’s take a moment to talk about that for thought. Can they continue this streak? Well I would argue that they might very well be able to. First it’s obvious that the offense can be, and has been at times, awful. Let’s also agree that it cannot get much worse than it has been at its bleakest points this year. You have to assume that guys like Ichiro, Beltre, and Lopez will come around and hit for their normal averages. So that being said you have to expect the offense is going to get better, maybe it is only going to be marginally better, but better none the less. What this means I don't know. Maybe a run or two a game? Maybe less. But the fact is it will get better.

The pitching has really been nothing short of superb. Felix and Bedard have been lights out, Bedards start yesterday was not a great one but he gutted it out for 5 innings tried to go six but he just didn’t have his good stuff. But with those two at the top of the rotation you have streak starters and stoppers. The last part of our rotation is interesting; Silva is a great clubhouse guy but not a great starter. I realize the M's are stuck with him and his absurd contract so lets just hope that he can gut out 5-6 innings a start with 3-4 runs each time. That could result in a .500 record in his starts and I would take that. Washburn you just have to hope he can pitch like he has in the beginning of this season up to the trade deadline. Keep that rolling and lets get something decent for him at the deadline.

Jakubauskas is an interesting guy. He has been pretty solid, other than the bad Game against Tampa that Pete and I had the pleasure of freezing though along with Dozens of other fans. He keeps you in the game which is all you can ask for from a 5th starter. Ideally I would like him to replace Silva in the rotation with RWS comes back but all indications are that the battle is between Jakubauskas and RWS. It's unfortunate but true. Perhaps after the trade deadline we can get both these guys regular spots in the rotation.

The point of all this is that the rotation has kept you in ball games and as long as they can do that this team can win.

There was a post on Geoff Bakers blog the other day about the team defense metric. It was really interesting. This team leads the league in errors however that is not a good way to show how good this team D is. This team has the ability to get to more balls than anyone else in the league. The ground the outfield can cover is nothing short of insane. Beltre is such a good defensive 3rd basemen. The plays he makes on a regular basis are fantastic. It is going to be sad when the day comes that he is no longer a mariner, and I believe that day is coming.

The team is winning on its pitching and Defense which is exactly what Jack said he was building the team for. Pitching can be up and down but defense is a pretty stable commodity. The hopes of this season will rest on this Rotations ability to continue to keep this team in games. The offense will get better and the defense will continue to run everything that is hit down. All that rotation needs to do is keep it close and see more winning months.

Back to work now, I have rambled enough.

One last note a few years back mike and I did a post about which the mariners should go get. We both posted a young talent and stated why they mariners should go get him. I posted Zach Grienke, this kid really has put it all together. How great would he look along with Felix and Bedard……

Has the Magic Returned?

Is it time to get excited for this team? I am admittedly one who jumps way ahead of things and gets overly pumped up about minor details. But am I way off base here? They are a grass field away from being 8-1 to start the year! 7-2 is freaking incredible considering what happened last year. This team is fun to watch again, and you can tell just from their demeanor that everyone on that bench is having a good time. I even saw a clip from last nights game where Griffey was sitting with Silva and Bedard and Bedard was not only smiling but laughing with teammates. I was shocked!

This has been a great beginning ride and I hope they can continue. There are things we could pick apart, like how Endy Chavez is not going to hit .400 for the season, Washburn is not going to have a sub 3 era and pitch deep into every ballgame. Our bullpen is not going to continue to get away with walking 2 batters an inning and get out of it like they did two nights ago.

But for now I say forget all that lets enjoy this! Baseball is back and its fun to watch again!

Seriously?

Is this really happening?

I was really prepared to write seriously about baseball this season. This could get silly in hurry.

Truth or Dare: if you had to make out with a male professional athlete, who would it be?

[Note: This T or D scenario may or may not have some foundation in fact come April. Stay tuned.]

Why steroids prove MLB is better than the NFL

I'm not surprised by the reaction to A-Rod (no I'm not going to link to any A-Rod stories because you know what the hell I'm talking about). Dave Cameron has developed a new metric for the absurd reactions of the media, and he's absolutely right. The sports media is what it is. Much like anything with the media nowadays, it's not about reporting the news, it's about being obnoxious. So, it's pretty much par for the course that this A-Rod thing would be the end of the world.

But, every time this steroids stuff gets brought up, I think about how baseball is treated differently. People proclaim that they're done with baseball. (By the way, google is great.) Or that football is America's new pasttime. Really? What about Shawne Merriman? Or entire Super Bowl teams? Or the great football dynasties? Why does football get a free pass?

I'll tell you why. Because baseball is better. People get up in arms over this because baseball is more interesting than football. Scandals like this are part of baseball's fabric. Baseball is interesting. The stadiums are all different. Guys like Jim Bottomley and Mark Whiten have major records. The championship clinching game takes three days. There are all sorts of interesting stats.

The NFL? Sure, it's okay. I love the Seahawks and watch every Sunday. But it's robotic, corporate, and antiseptic (no I don't really know what made choose antiseptic but something seems right about that word). And it's just not as interesting as baseball. (For what it's worth, this is also why I think college football is better than the NFL).

So when people say they are done with baseball, I say good. Go away. I'll still love the game because this is what is. It's not perfect. It's a screwy sport and I like it that way.

In other words...yay steroids!!

Vindication

I'll keep this appropriately brief.

If there was any remaining doubt, the issue has been cleared up this weekend. Without argument or debate, let the record show...

The greatest baseball player over the past 20 years is Ken Griffey Jr.

Drink it in.  Long live The Kid.

Back In Action!!

Football is over, and that is a good thing. That superbowl was not good for any Seattle fan. Lets hope that this year, 2009, will be better than 2008. It has to be right? Look at what went down in 08'

The mariners trade away their top offensive prospect in Adam Jones, a highly touted young arm in Chris Tillman and just to salt it up a bit more they toss in George Sherrill who ended up having a very solid season as the birds closer. Now I was for this trade when it happened. Bedard was a front end lefty starter who in this park I felt could really explode. That didn't really happen as we all know. I would like to think he just was hurt and that against the teams better judgment hid this injury for longer than he should have. I want to believe that, I need to. But the fact remains this guy is just a pain in the ass. I listen to a lot of his interviews and I just don't get how he can act the way he does. Listen up Eric your getting paid millions of dollars to play a game for a living. Giving interviews is PART OF THE DEAL. If you don't like it your more than welcome to come back to the real world and work a 9-5 job in front of a computer all day where you don't have to have conversations with random people about how your fastball felt today.

Sexson went even further into the tank and ended up being released. People really gave him a hard time and I was one of them. But he did have a few decent years here before he just "lost it". That happens to players and its sad to see it go, we here in Seattle have seen it however all too much.

Both Manager and GM were asked to leave. Bavasi made some bad moves, but hind sight is 20-20. I don't think there were many of us out there who were not ecstatic over the Sexson and Beltre Signings. I remember when mike and I met Bavasi at a steak house after a spring training game in which both beltre and sexson played. My exact words to him "You have made two life long M's fans so happy!"





Those signings where huge at the time. Mcleran is a nice guy and a great coach, I don't know if Manager fits him, but we gave it a shot and he just couldn't control the club house. Oh and lets not forget that they still ahve yet to sign Josh Fields, who by many accounts is Major League ready and we may have traded our closer......

Anyway as we all know the Mariners had a rough year, battling it out for the top pick which they had locked up until for whatever reason they decided to win like 3 of their last 4 games, yeah great job.

But this is all the past lets look to the Future.

Jack Zduriencik is awesome, I had no idea who he was when he was hired but man I love what he is doing. Stock piling young left handed arms that remain under team control for foreseeable future. Also revamping the defense, so far it would appear that not many balls are going to get down in that outfield and that will be a nice change.

My concern is where will the offense come from. I love the front half of our potential rotation in Felix, Bedard, and Morrow. I'd love it if Rowland-Smith made the 4th spot and let the two pieces of garbage, Washburn and Silva, battle it out for the 5th spot. How about Don Wakamatsu flips a coin each 5th day, heads Washburn starts tails Silva.

Anyway with the front half being so good its fair to say we could see a lot 4 run games or less from them. The challenge will be how will this team score more than 4 runs on any given night let alone a run at all? This needs to be addressed and I don't know how. In fact I don't see how this year. Good thing this is a re-building year.

I'll end with this, everyone hope and pray for Bedard. I want us all to will him to a dominating 1st half. Then if the mariners can dump him for 75 cents on the dollar of what they gave up.... Just remember who the Marlins got for Josh Beckett...........Hanley Ramirez. We can only dream though.

Just a few thoughts as we are only days away from Pitchers and Catchers reporting to camp!

Baseball's back!

Is there a better day than Opening Day? I don't think so. Especially when you're in grad school and don't have class until 4:40 PM and can watch real and fantasy baseball all day. I think when I do get a job again I'm taking Opening Day off every year.

I won't write a recap of Game 1. Go to Lookout Landing for that. Most important thing to take from Jeff's writeup:

Jim Joyce's strike zone wasn't helping matters, either. But this is the take-home message: on an off-day during which he struggled with his command, Erik Bedard allowed one run on five innings. He got a bunch of swinging strikes, kept the ball on the ground, and wasn't letting the hitters get good swings. This was an off-day. If for whatever reason you're still kind of skeptical about what Erik Bedard's going to bring to the team, get over it and hop on the wagon.

Bedard will be fine. The offense? That's going to be painful to watch at times this year. But, I did like that they drew seven walks and that Jose Lopez had the big hit. If the M's want to contend for anything, Lopez is one of the guys that needs to step up.

Felix tonight which makes me happy. What does not make me happy is that it doesn't start until 10 PM on the East Coast and I have to get up early tomorrow.

1-0! First place!

Bedard

It's been a long time folks. A long time. I wanted to wait until this trade was official, and it finally looks like it is. Erik Bedard is a Mariner. And I think that's cool. But, I don't think I like this trade. I know
Lookout Landing doesn't, and I know USS Mariner doesn't. And I know they know more about baseball than I do. But, I don't need an expert understanding of the game to see why this trade wasn't a good idea. Erik Bedard is awesome. He's filthy. Nasty. Sick. Pitches well. But not worth your best prospect, best left-handed reliever, and three other prospects. And even if he is worth all of that, he's not worth it to the M's. This trade has been hashed and rehashed, prehashed, then hashed again so I don't want to go on and on about it. But, here are my reasons, in brief, why I'm not a fan of this trade:

1. The Mariners aren't an Erik Bedard away from competing with Boston, Cleveland, Detroit, or Anaheim. This isn't like the Sox trading Hanley Ramirez to get Josh Beckett. The lineup is terrible, the outfield defense is going to be bad, and now the bullpen takes a hit. Plus, the rest of the rotation is mediocre at best.

2. The timing makes no sense. Why trade Jones now? One thing Bavasi has done pretty well is build up the farm system. Jones is ready, Clement and Balentin are close, and Morrow is at least contributing in the bullpen. So why send away all this young talent when it's on the verge of makin an impact? I didn't like Stand Pat Gillick's non-moves in the summers 2001-2003, but I think this is the other end of the spectrum.

Ok, that's really it. It's not that I don't like Erik Bedard. I think he's the best player Bavasi has signed or traded for. I think Bedard and Felix at the top of the rotation is going to be amazing. If the M's find a way to make it to the playoffs, Bedard and Felix with Putz waiting in the bullpen? Incredible, no doubt. But, I just don't think they're going to make it that far. Unless, of course, they decide to move Morrow, Clement and Balentin to get a big bat or two. I hope I'm wrong and Bedard and Felix are co-MVPs of the World Series this year, but we'll see.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate the trade. I mean Bavasi's done worse. A lot worse. And I'm really excited that we have Erik Bedard on our side. But, I'm not sold on this as being a good idea.

Thoughts loyal three readers?

At the break....

Up until I was 17, my best and favorite subject in school was math. I owned math. It was never hard, it was fun, and it all made sense. But then came my senior year in high school. That's when I met AP Calculus. I had done well in math every year and assumed it would continue. In fact, I figured my major in college would have something to do with math. And for the first month or so of that class, things remained the same. I remember understanding limits really well and I'm pretty sure I got an A on the first test. But then things abruptly changed. We had to write a paper in math. The rest of the semester when something like C on that paper, and nothing above a D on anything else. My final grade for that semester was a D. For the first time in my life I had to drop a class because it was too hard for me. Sure, senioritis had something to do with it, but I was really just in over my head.

I'm hoping the second half of the 2007 baseball season isn't to the Seattle Mariners what AP Calculus was to me. They've had a great first half, and every time I think they've come back to reality, they've proved me wrong. Two and a half out in the West, and a game and half back in the Wild Card. I think they can stay in it, but I also thought I could handle AP Calculus.

Let's check in on what I said at the beginning of the season:

3 REASONS FOR HOPE

1. The King-Well, he's been amazing, injured, and inconsistent. But, thanks to the power of blogging, he has looked much better lately. The M's are going to need him to be an ace in the second half.

2.Infield Defense-
Did I really say that?

3.A pretty solid lineup
The M's third in the AL in batting average, sixth in OBP, eighth in runs scored, eigthe in SLG, tenth in HR, LAST in walks, and LAST in strikeouts. Hmmm. Looking at that, the M's offense hasn't been all that impressive.


3 REASONS YOU'LL BE COUNTING THE DAYS UNTIL FOOTBALL SEASON

1. The gruesome foursome. Eh, not bad I guess. Weaver was atrocious but has turned in around. Batista has his moments. But they still need another pitcher if they are going to stay in this.

2. Mike Hargrove and Bill Bavasi. Mike Hargrove quit. That was weird. Bill Bavasi-well Jose Vidro as "DH" hasn't really worked. The pitchers have been okay. But, I'll judge Bavasi based on what he does at the deadline.

3. Jose. I'm fine with Guillen and Lopez, but Vidro has to go.


So, now what? I don't think the Mariners are good enough as they are right now to keep up with Boston, Anaheim, Detroit, and Cleveland. So, some changes need to happen. I'd like to hear what the loyal 4 readers have to say about that.

Check out Dave Cameron's suggestions. They mkae some sense and can all be done without bringing anyone in from the outside.

Aw.....

Crap.

From the M's official site:

Ryan Feierabend couldn't get comfortable against the Royals

Feierabend (L, 1-3) 1.1 IP, 8 H, 10 R, 10 ER, 2 BB, 0 SO, 2 HR

Ya think?

Let the Buerhle rumblings begin...

Okay, maybe not technically begin. I'm sure it's been brought up before. But, Dave at USSMariner has brought up the Mark Buehrle trade talk. And I'm pretty sure I agree with him. Buerhle had a rough year in 2006, and I was thinking he may be on the decline, but, as Dave points out, he's bounced back this year. Maybe he's playing for contract and will regress again next year, but whatever-the M's probably won't re-sign him anyway.

By the way, does re-sign need to have a hyphen? I think so, because otherwise it becomes resign. Mike Hargrove resigned from his position as Mariners manager. Will the Mariners re-sign Ichiro? AAAAAAAANYWAY....

The most important point that Dave makes is this:

The Mariners wouldn’t be trading a package of prospects for three months of Mark Buehrle. The Mariners would be trading a package of prospects for three months of Mark Buehrle and another package of prospects.

If you're worried about giving up prospects for half a season from one guy, the draft pick compensation from those lost prospects should make you feel a little better. And the fact is, you never know what you're going to get out of prospects. I was pretty excited about the Freddy Garcia trade when it went down, but it's turned out to be a complete flop. The M's won't trade Adam Jones, so I say go for it.

Plus, I just made a trade to get Buerhle on my fantasy team, so making him a Mariner would give me double reason to root for the guy.

Thoughts on Buerhle from the 4 loyal Magic readers?

Alright, Alright

I'll post already. The M's keep winning, telling me I need to write about them. The blog has been pretty slow as I was moving from here to here I realize the only people still reading this blog are the administrators, my parents, and hopefully snave, but there's too much to talk about.

When a team has three crapbag seasons in a row, and comes into the season with Jeff Weaver and Horacio Ramirez as anchors of the rotation, it's hard to be optimistic. And then when a team is winning games but Jeff Weaver has a quadruple digit ERA, Felix Hernandez is hurt/struggling it's more of a "okay, when are they going to lose 6 games in a row?"

But, when they bounce back from that, win a couple series, sweep the new evil empire (sorry Dad), and keep going strong even when the opposing pitcher is eleventy billion times better than ours, it starts feeling like we have a good baseball team on our hands.

I made it pretty clear that I wasn't overly optimistic about this team coming into the year. And, even though the M's kept winning, I was still skeptical. Weaver was awful, Felix couldn't pitch anymore, the bullpen was being worn thin, Sexson and Ibanez were doing nothing, etc. But, the recent winning ways have shown me some things that have me pretty excited about the rest of this season:

1. JJ Putz is the best closer in baseball. By far.

2. There are no holes on offense. Ichiro is the only superstar, but every one else in the lineup can contribute. And that includes the bench players. That's the kind of team that stays in the hunt through September.

3. Jeff Weaver and Miguel Batista can pitch. Sort of. They are the kind of pitchers you hope to get 6 solid innings out of, keep you in the game, and let the offense and bullpen win it for you. They've shown that lately, and I hope it keeps up.

4. Mike Hargrove can make a good decision or two. He's managed the bullpen very well this year. He uses Putz in high-leverage situations instead of saving him only for save situations. I'm still not a big fan of his, but this is an optimistic post.


Sure, there are concerns. Felix is pitching like a 21-year old, Putz's arm may fall off, and the rotation still needs help. But I'll stick with being excited for now. I'm hoping they can win today against Toronto, then take or split the series with KC and Oakland, then get rested up for the big series against Detroit after the break.

Let's go M's!!!!!

5 in a row!

I too am excited about the promise this team is showing. It was this time, however last year that Mike and I were sitting in a bar in kirkland watching the mariners crush the Diamondbacks. I am taking this streak with a skepticle grain of salt. The bullpen ahs been incredible and teh offensive attack is really vastly superior than what I ahd expected. The main question I still have revolves around our rotation. Felix needs more time to get abck to wehre he was at the start of the year. Washburn appears to be in a rut. Baek should ahve been in the rotation at the start of the year, and his alst start was disappointing but cleavland is a very strong offensive club. I still hate that they insist on trotting weaver out there, admit you F-d up and jsut chaulk it up to a 8 million dollar mistake. Call up fearbin and let him roll in the 5 spot he gave you a chance to win.



There is a lot of time left but Raul is coming on like a house of fire and with his bat to an already hot offense i think this year could be a really exciting one up to the end. They need to decide what route they wish to take with Ichiro. I personally think you sign him, he is the best elad off hitter in the game bar none. However if they want to sign him do it now do not wait for him to hit open waters where you will be compeating agains tthe likes of the yankees and red soxs for his services. That is a mony game i do not want.



Tonight its Miguel. The bullpen really is in dire ened of a strong outing by one of our starters here. And by strong I am talking 7 or 8 innings. They are overworked and if the trend continues there will be no arms left for the push in late summer. The offense needs to come right out of theg ates and puta 4 spot up to give miguel some room and then just go to work.





Go M's 9 games over 500 for the first time in years!

I am excited

The M's are exciting me right now. I am just too busy to write about it.

WOW WOW WOW

Up yours Dice-K.

I love stats. I really do. I'm no sabermetrician, but I'd rather hear about stats than grit. But, not tonight.

Felix. Hernandez. He did things tonight that trump any statistical measurement. He took Dice-K, ESPN, obnoxious Red Sox fans, and the entire nation and slapped them across the face. Then he stole their lunch money and ran away with their girlfriends. Then he dropped out of school and started his out business. And that business was dominance. Then he took dominance public and became the richest man ever. Then he bought the world and sold it to himself. Then he put the world in a little box and carried it in his coat pocket. Right next to his monacle. Then he had God paint a portrait of himself while he ate the world like a grape. Then he beat the Red Sox.

The Mariners are going to contend this year. And Felix Hernandez is why. He takes all of Jose Vidro's badness and farts it onto his recliner while playing NCAA Football 2007. I don't care how garbage-like the rest of the pitchers are. You can't be a professional athlete on the same team as F-F-F-Felix and not step up your game. and if you don't, go amateur.

I'm fired up!

How about some baseball?

For the sake of all that is good and holy can the Mariners please play a baseball game?